“I feel as if I have a hole in my heart...”is a line that can be heard often, but I've never heard it applied so well than in my own case now.

Somebody described my condition as a "loss”.

It's not just about love, but about loving, being loved and being taken for granted.

"What would I be without that person?” is something terrifying to even think about; losing someone is not only a bereavement, it’s a reality.

That's who you are now.

These words sunk into my gaping heart, and I felt strangely satisfied.

Okay.

Have I "lost" someone as important as myself?

At the same time, my friend from across the ocean sent me a DVD box of the famous American series SEX AND THE CITY and said, "It's the best medicine for you right now”.

I was once asked a question on Instagram, "Who do you like best out of the four?” I like Samantha.

She is apparently “The Power Woman”. She is the symbol of a strong woman who is uninhibited and easy to understand, who doesn't care what anyone thinks.

I realize as I play the series again that I'm the same age as the main characters, whom I don't know how many times I've watched.

Samantha is the most sensitive and vulnerable of the four women. The “strength” she expresses outwardly is her armour. She accepts everything, including her weaknesses, and knows herself better than anyone else. She has true "strength". That's why I think she's the kindest person I know.

There is a scene like this in the drama and the movie version. Samantha says goodbye to the person she loves.

“I love you, but I love myself more.”

Someone you love as much as yourself. Someone about who you can say, "I'm on your side no matter what.”

Parents, siblings, children, partners, and best friends.

I'm 36 years old and I know that it's very rare to find "someone" on that list that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

My significant one was like Aidan, the symbol of a man of integrity. 

Somebody everyone is going to like.

Straightforward and gentle, with a quiet passion, who knows the sour and sweet from his own experience.

It was the first time I felt the feeling of being loved by someone outside of my family.

Past experiences that I had previously thought were real even seemed like "playing at love".

That's how big his love was, as infinitely wide as the blue sky. 

In this world, it was like something out of a movie, but it was real.

I had been traumatized by my father's domestic violence and my parents' messy divorce since I was an adolescent and he supported me for six years with all his heart and soul.

With the "love" and "peace" that I had been seeking for so long, he melted the "fear" that was inside me.

A person you love. Someone who is your best friend and is closer to you than your own family.

I chose to part ways with that person.

We are engaged and all is well. The people around me are truly happy. A picture-perfect “happiness”.

As marriage, something that I thought was out of my reach and a future that many people seek, approached, I felt a small, black, uncomfortable feeling deep in my heart.

The little black spot grew like a bump that could not be ignored as the wedding day approached.

When Carrie, engaged to Aidan in Sex and the City, tries on a hideous wedding dress with Miranda for fun, she, who was initially laughing hysterically, suffers a sudden panic attack.

In the scene where Aidan is renovating his room to live together, the moment the wall between the room next door starts to break down, Carrie breaks down as well.

She learned the truth: “Now, or maybe because of him, or maybe for the rest of my life, I can't get married yet.”

Aidan said then to Carrie:

“If you don't want to marry me now, then you won't want to marry me for the rest of your life.”

I laughed as I cried because of the situation and thoughts that I shared with Carrie about so much of everything.

Timing is everything.

It comes when you least expect it, and then it leaves or pass you by.

I still honestly don't know why I couldn't get married.

I don't think I'll ever know. That's fine, I guess.

I just had to go with my gut and choose the path where I saw a ray of light.

The first time I met someone I truly loved, but for some reason we couldn't be together.

Hurting someone you love is much more painful than hurting yourself.

The "loss" by my selfish choices was a hole I had never experienced before.

"The path I chose hurt him, myself, and our beloved families. This is the path I have chosen. No one can know if it's right or wrong, not yet. It's just painful."

I hope that the path I have chosen will one day lead everyone, including me, to a smile.

I can only pray for that.

I will never forget what my partner said to me when we parted.

“It takes a lot of courage to say something like that. If seen from outside, the person saying it can seem to be a bad person, but that’s not the truth.

Everything was created by the two of us.

It's amazing how brave you are.

So please, don't beat yourself up about it."

I will certainly never meet anyone like him again.

Every single moment of my six years with him still shines like jewels glittering in the sunlight or in the lights of a restaurant.

I don't want to forget. I can't forget it for the rest of my life.

Clichéd, common dialogue, like a soap-opera. 

It's very quiet, but it's definitely there.

I will live today, holding all these treasures in my heart. I am convinced that I can do it.

With the theme of marriage and love, the new collection includes rings that have been requested by many people.

The design of both earrings and rings were inspired by antique jewelry, but they look like twisted ropes.

It gave me an image of all the different kinds of love being bound together and braided into one sturdy rope.

Even if you never see the person again, the love that is engraved in your heart is a certain reality that will never disappear.

The rope is a symbol of eternal and uninterrupted love.

Where does the rope that binds our love and thoughts end up? No one knows.

I guess I'll just have to enjoy it for now, as I continue to read the story.

When you travel, the process of getting there is sometimes more impressive than the destination, when you think back on it later. It can be amusing and fun.

I, and all of you, will always be here until the very last moment.

I guess I am on a journey of "this moment".

We are all

We're creatures that will die alone one day.

If there is even one person or one precious memory or someone living in your heart, then you are not "alone".

The back story of this collection is not a sad and dark story.

The end is the beginning. It is a story of hope and love.

As I write this, the song "Tinsagunu Hana" by singer-songwriter Ai Miyagi is playing in the background. She interpreted and arranged the lyrics of "Tinsagunuhana" differently from what you know. I met Ai once, and she was one of those women who I felt was very beautiful inside and out.

As a mother, Ai's motherhood is a universal love, like Saint Mary. Also, like Samantha, she has a true strength that is not afraid to face herself.

That's why I chose Ai's name for the title of this collection.

It also unintentionally became a double meaning of " LOVE/Ai ”.

When you feel nervous or anxious, when you are mentally unsettled, or when you are concentrating or thinking, it can act as a kind of tranquilizer, subconsciously touching the jewelery like Peanuts’ "Linus's blanket”.

I'm sure there are many people who can think of this.

Me too,

during the Instagram live, I remembered that I was unconsciously touching the necklace as I spoke.

I want to become a person with true strength = kindness, full of love.

This collection is

Wearing it, touching it with your eyes, and actually touching it with your fingers conveys the vibration of love, and it is the only

thing that can make you feel the love of your life.

Like Linus' blanket, which reminds us that we can live with hope in any situation.

It became a very impressive collection for me.

This collection of Ai/LOVE is for everyone's wonderful life now! I would like to give it to you with love.

Along with the loving energy of her songs.

Ai Miyagi / Tinsagunuhana → 

Afterword :

I think my story of loss is too naked and controversial.

To be honest, I struggled for over three year with the necessity of exposing so much of my private life. However, in the process of creating the new work, I realized that this line was unavoidable.

And this is also my last love letter to my personal beloved.

It may even offend someone who reads it. Nevertheless, through my jewelry, I am expressing the story of one human being, Watashi (me).

It was an unintentional and natural progression to become such a jewelry brand.

The brand is my alter ego.

From there, the baton continues on to the story of "someone else," and as many different stories as there are people, they spread.

That's what I'm trying to learn from my customers.

Thanks to you, I am the person and the brand that I am today.

I have no fear of other people's reactions, blame, criticism, or denial. I am not looking for agreement. There are as many opinions as there are people.

also

What could be more horrible than to lose a loved one?

Beyond that, there is always hope and love.

If we want to.

Don't worry, it'll work out.

Don't worry, everything's fine.

With overflowing gratitude and love for everyone's love and support.

Kana Hashimoto, Khana Jewelry ✗✗

Big Thanks Translated by Xavier Gillard